CoD Ghosts: Single Player

Let's face it, we all knew it was gonna be shit. I have disposable income so I went and bought Ghosts. I decided to play through the single player and within the first 5 minutes of the game, had decided I needed to make a list of all the things wrong with it. While not everything on the list is unique to Call of Duty (many can be seen in other FPSs), it does show to me that triple A titles are fucking abysmal when it comes to being a fun and engaging player experience.

I'll leave out major spoilers. I also played the game on Hardened, because I know that Veteran, while entirely do-able, is just a word that causes the enemy AI to spam grenades in a cheap attempt to increase difficulty.

1.       Infinitely spawning enemies. Sweet teats Activision. Have you not worked out that infinitely spawning enemies is nothing but sub-standard, third-world game design. I mean, you had fucking millions of dollars, and yet every year you grunt out another abortion of a game with infinite waves of enemies, then you gobble up the afterbirth in an attempt to recycle it for next year's ovulation cycle.

2.       The AI is fucking autistic and can't make up its mind. It runs back and forth and jumps between animations.

3.       The infinite enemies run to exact same positions, lie in the exact same poses, and are the exact same models. Despite one of the major "features" of the multiplayer being customisable faces and gender. I didn't see a single fucking vagina in the entire game except for the token role at the start. The helicopter pilot doesn't count either because you never see her, and she's such a minor role. On that note, why do AAA FPS game designers think gash is only good enough to be a pilot? Halo, BF, CoD, MoH(?)

4.       Unconvincing voice acting that isn't even suited to situation at hand (panic in non-dangerous situations). I swear I even heard "team up with the team" at one point

5.       One of the features of the game was that you were an "underdog":

"A New Call of Duty Universe: For the first time in franchise history, players will take on the underdog role with Call of Duty: Ghosts; outnumbered and outgunned, players must fight to reclaim a fallen nation in an intensely personal narrative. Gamers will get to know an entirely new cast of characters and visit locales in a changed world unlike anything seen in Call of Duty® before." 

I was more on an underdog as the foot soldier in CoD4. In this, I'm a highly trained operative inducted into what is claimed to be the most elite and feared soldiers in the world. The only "intensely personal" thing about the narrative is the we get to run through some cliché-as-fuck father-son moments. Overall, the story is painfully predictable.

6.       The "new" game engine Activision appears to be a lie. The game looks marginally better than every single previous CoD game only when on the highest settings. Lighting is admittedly a bit better (lol, see below screenshot stolen from reddit), but I'm not seeing any wondrous new graphical morsels. Level design is as fucking bland as ever it was and game locations are not special at all. The general themes are the same as any previous games and, *tinfoil hat on*, I'm beginning to think that Dice and Activision share design notes because both games have an aircraft carrier level, a rainforest level, collapsing skyscrapers and a contextual lean mechanic.

7.       Mediocre collision detection on debris, but half of it is 2-D

8.       Models clip into textures. Stairs are notorious for this. Though I guess same could be said for every game ever.

9.       There are particle debris in "clean" air in the space station.

10.   Dead bodies in space have collision detection but bullets zip straight through with no blood or contact sound.

11.   Guns sound as weak as a fart from a gay man's arsehole

12.   Bullet flinch is fucking huge, which means you miss, which means you get shot and flinch more, which means you die. The only advantage this had, was that I drank my beer quicker due to dying unnecessarily and using the respawn and unskippable cut-scene to take a mouthful.

13.   If you don't do exactly what the game wants you to you die, and have to sit through an unskippable cut-scene. This includes the time I strayed too far from the objective and was told "No dog left behind". Fuck the dog, Activision can't make me care about it no matter how many millions they spent researching dog behaviour and programming it to be "realistic"

14.   ACOG seem to have a large amount of waver, making single headshots all but impossible (assuming bullet flinch is taking you up the arse without lube already), but DMRs on the other hand are perfectly stable

15.   Red Water.

16.   Actual in game water is buggy as fuck. Screenshot didnt save, but imagine blinding white light where water should be. When you're walking up a river.

17.   Helicopters are only vulnerable when the game wants them as a set-piece, and then, with varying degrees of vulnerability (some can be shot down with light weapons, others only with explosives. Otherwise, there is no fucking way you're allowed to shoot them down. They must drop off their payload.

18.   Recoil from laser guided launchers means you can't aim at target fast enough and rocket overshoots

19.   View bobbing is sickening but vehicular transit is on-rails smooth

20.   First person dog-control. How that could possibly be achieved realistically I have no fucking idea. Dog can apparently insta-kill without them yelling out.

21.   Teleporting player after finished with dog control, or other special call-in (air strike etc.)

22.   Player gets stuck on  small bricks and debris

23.   Invisible walls blocking shots

24.   Sliding models, and jerking between programmed animations.

25.   If an ally gets ahead of you, and you can't squeeze past, there is a 95% chance that there is about to be some poor NPC who walks round a corner gets murdered by your NPC.

26.   You have to wait for the gatekeeper. Any corridor shooter has this I guess, and it's not as bad as BF3...

27.   Enemies playing ball in full combat gear including helmet. Because fuck changing the models.

28.   Enemies freeze when programmed sequence is finished but scene hasn't faded to black yet.

29.   Attacking the enemies during any given programmed sequence is largely optional. They'll probably blow up at some point on their own.

30.   A-10's have an impossibly wide cannon firing arc. Also doesn't matter if you miss the "critical" target, it'll blow up anyway when you return to player perspective. Then you can watch the A-10s pull out of a suicide dive impossibly low.

31.   The game designers show a complete and utter lack of comprehension of how hovercraft work

32.   Your NPC brother has retard strength - he can lift burning timber beams by himself just long enough for you to get through... oops, now he's trapped.

33.   Tank programmed to drive over jeep instead of around just because it looks cool

34.   Player character probably holds world record for holding breath underwater while also under fire from bad dudes

35.   For that matter, player character main also performs remarkably well for taking a bullet to the chest unarmoured.

36.   Relate that bullet point to your father too.

37.   I found a programmed helicopter piloted by superman. He must have been superman because he managed to see me through solid walls and was trying to shoot me.

38.   Teleporting allies. Actually this is even worse than bullet flinch. The only way to stop the infinite enemies is to move forward cover-to-cover. You barely even have to shoot anyone as your allies take care of that for you. But how do they do that? By teleporting of course! I should probably rename to Caboose seeing how many times I'd break cover to shoot at an enemy, only to find a friendly there, facing the wrong way. Often, they'd teleport ahead of stragglers and not bother to kill them so I'd think it was safe and just get shot anyway. Activision don't seem to know a moving front works in warfare.

39.   While in their "retreat" state, enemies will run through you while you stand in their exit path

40.   Underwater rifles can't kills sharks or even the much-vaunted fish that move out of your way. Sharks can also turn 180° in <0.1sec, lunge, and insta-kill you

41.   Some fish are 2-D

Wait! Let's actually have some pros to Ghosts:

1.       Length is similar to BF4 campaign, but more missions. Still completed on Hardened in <6 hours

2.       AGVs (automated forklifts) stop when you get close to them. Kind of cool I guess. Didn't really notice the fish.

3.       Better than MW3 and BlOps2

4.       Was super prepared for a clichéd ending and got super mad when I thought it was going to be. Was pleasantly surprised. Only with the outcome though. How they went about it was.... refer to number 35

5.       As horrible as the physics were, the space sequences were kinda cool, and definitely new to a PC shooter. The only other notable in-space level for an FPS that comes to mind is Halo.

...... yep.... that's about it.