Let's face it, we all knew it was gonna be shit. I have
disposable income so I went and bought Ghosts. I decided to play through the
single player and within the first 5 minutes of the game, had decided I needed
to make a list of all the things wrong with it. While not everything on the
list is unique to Call of Duty (many can be seen in other FPSs), it does show
to me that triple A titles are fucking abysmal when it comes to being a fun and
engaging player experience.
I'll leave out major spoilers. I also played the game on
Hardened, because I know that Veteran, while entirely do-able, is just a word
that causes the enemy AI to spam grenades in a cheap attempt to increase
difficulty.
1.
Infinitely
spawning enemies. Sweet teats Activision. Have you not worked out that infinitely
spawning enemies is nothing but sub-standard, third-world game design. I mean,
you had fucking millions of dollars, and yet every year you grunt out another
abortion of a game with infinite waves of enemies, then you gobble up the
afterbirth in an attempt to recycle it for next year's ovulation cycle.
2. The
AI is fucking autistic and can't make up its mind. It runs back and forth and
jumps between animations.
3.
The
infinite enemies run to exact same positions, lie in the exact same poses, and
are the exact same models. Despite one of the major "features" of the
multiplayer being customisable faces and gender. I didn't see a single fucking
vagina in the entire game except for the token role at the start. The
helicopter pilot doesn't count either because you never see her, and she's such
a minor role. On that note, why do AAA FPS game designers think gash is only
good enough to be a pilot? Halo, BF, CoD, MoH(?)
4. Unconvincing
voice acting that isn't even suited to situation at hand (panic in
non-dangerous situations). I swear I even heard "team up with the
team" at one point
5. One
of the features of the game was that you were an "underdog":
I was more on an underdog as the foot soldier in CoD4. In this, I'm a highly trained operative inducted into what is claimed to be the most elite and feared soldiers in the world. The only "intensely personal" thing about the narrative is the we get to run through some cliché-as-fuck father-son moments. Overall, the story is painfully predictable."A New Call of Duty Universe: For the first time in franchise history, players will take on the underdog role with Call of Duty: Ghosts; outnumbered and outgunned, players must fight to reclaim a fallen nation in an intensely personal narrative. Gamers will get to know an entirely new cast of characters and visit locales in a changed world unlike anything seen in Call of Duty® before."
6. The
"new" game engine Activision appears to be a lie. The game looks
marginally better than every single previous CoD game only when on the highest
settings. Lighting is admittedly a bit better (lol, see below screenshot stolen from reddit), but I'm not seeing any wondrous new
graphical morsels. Level design is as fucking bland as ever it was and game
locations are not special at all. The general themes are the same as any
previous games and, *tinfoil hat on*, I'm beginning to think that Dice and
Activision share design notes because both games have an aircraft carrier
level, a rainforest level, collapsing skyscrapers and a contextual lean
mechanic.
7. Mediocre
collision detection on debris, but half of it is 2-D
8. Models
clip into textures. Stairs are notorious for this. Though I guess same could be
said for every game ever.
9. There
are particle debris in "clean" air in the space station.
10. Dead
bodies in space have collision detection but bullets zip straight through with
no blood or contact sound.
11. Guns
sound as weak as a fart from a gay man's arsehole
12.
Bullet
flinch is fucking huge, which means you miss, which means you get shot and
flinch more, which means you die. The only advantage this had, was that I drank
my beer quicker due to dying unnecessarily and using the respawn and
unskippable cut-scene to take a mouthful.
13. If
you don't do exactly what the game wants you to you die, and have to sit
through an unskippable cut-scene. This includes the time I strayed too far from
the objective and was told "No dog left behind". Fuck the dog,
Activision can't make me care about it no matter how many millions they spent
researching dog behaviour and programming it to be "realistic"
14. ACOG
seem to have a large amount of waver, making single headshots all but
impossible (assuming bullet flinch is taking you up the arse without lube
already), but DMRs on the other hand are perfectly stable
15. Red
Water.
16. Actual
in game water is buggy as fuck. Screenshot didnt save, but imagine blinding
white light where water should be. When you're walking up a river.
17. Helicopters
are only vulnerable when the game wants them as a set-piece, and then, with varying
degrees of vulnerability (some can be shot down with light weapons, others only
with explosives. Otherwise, there is no fucking way you're allowed to shoot
them down. They must drop off their payload.
18. Recoil
from laser guided launchers means you can't aim at target fast enough and rocket
overshoots
19. View
bobbing is sickening but vehicular transit is on-rails smooth
20. First
person dog-control. How that could possibly be achieved realistically I have no
fucking idea. Dog can apparently insta-kill without them yelling out.
21. Teleporting
player after finished with dog control, or other special call-in (air strike
etc.)
22. Player
gets stuck on small bricks and debris
23. Invisible
walls blocking shots
24. Sliding
models, and jerking between programmed animations.
25.
If an
ally gets ahead of you, and you can't squeeze past, there is a 95% chance that
there is about to be some poor NPC who walks round a corner gets murdered by
your NPC.
26.
You
have to wait for the gatekeeper. Any corridor shooter has this I guess, and
it's not as bad as BF3...
27. Enemies
playing ball in full combat gear including helmet. Because fuck changing the
models.
28. Enemies
freeze when programmed sequence is finished but scene hasn't faded to black
yet.
29. Attacking
the enemies during any given programmed sequence is largely optional. They'll
probably blow up at some point on their own.
30. A-10's
have an impossibly wide cannon firing arc. Also doesn't matter if you miss the
"critical" target, it'll blow up anyway when you return to player
perspective. Then you can watch the A-10s pull out of a suicide dive impossibly
low.
31. The
game designers show a complete and utter lack of comprehension of how
hovercraft work
32. Your
NPC brother has retard strength - he can lift burning timber beams by himself
just long enough for you to get through... oops, now he's trapped.
33. Tank
programmed to drive over jeep instead of around just because it looks cool
34. Player
character probably holds world record for holding breath underwater while also
under fire from bad dudes
35. For
that matter, player character main also performs remarkably well for taking a
bullet to the chest unarmoured.
36. Relate
that bullet point to your father too.
37. I
found a programmed helicopter piloted by superman. He must have been superman
because he managed to see me through solid walls and was trying to shoot me.
38.
Teleporting
allies. Actually this is even worse than bullet flinch. The only way to stop
the infinite enemies is to move forward cover-to-cover. You barely even have to
shoot anyone as your allies take care of that for you. But how do they do that?
By teleporting of course! I should probably rename to Caboose seeing how many
times I'd break cover to shoot at an enemy, only to find a friendly there,
facing the wrong way. Often, they'd teleport ahead of stragglers and not bother
to kill them so I'd think it was safe and just get shot anyway. Activision
don't seem to know a moving front works in warfare.
39. While
in their "retreat" state, enemies will run through you while you
stand in their exit path
40. Underwater
rifles can't kills sharks or even the much-vaunted fish that move out of your
way. Sharks can also turn 180° in <0.1sec, lunge, and insta-kill you
41. Some
fish are 2-D
Wait! Let's actually have some
pros to Ghosts:
1. Length
is similar to BF4 campaign, but more missions. Still completed on Hardened in <6
hours
2. AGVs
(automated forklifts) stop when you get close to them. Kind of cool I guess.
Didn't really notice the fish.
3. Better
than MW3 and BlOps2
4. Was
super prepared for a clichéd ending and got super mad when I thought it was
going to be. Was pleasantly surprised. Only with the outcome though. How they
went about it was.... refer to number 35
5. As
horrible as the physics were, the space sequences were kinda cool, and definitely
new to a PC shooter. The only other notable in-space level for an FPS that
comes to mind is Halo.
...... yep.... that's about it.